You've grown up, moved on and moved in with another person–your
college roommate. Having a roommate may be old hat. Or, if you've spent
the last 18 years or so with your own room, it may be something
completely new to you. Either way, the relationship you develop with
your college roommate can be one of the most important of your life and
have a major impact on you and who you become.
In the beginning
In order to develop a healthy
roommate relationship, it is vital that you begin communicating right
away. Head into your roommate relationship armed with several tools and
you're bound to do well. A few of these tools are:
- Respect
- An appreciation for difference
- A willingness to communicate
- Flexibility
- Care
Initial conversation starters
You may be
relaxing in the comforts of your new room or you may be enjoying your
first roommate supper of the season. Whatever the case may be, it is
important to start learning more about each other and start discovering
who this person you will be living with is early in the year. The
following questions provide good conversation starters for your initial
meeting-you don't want to delve into anything too personal right away,
after all. Put them in your own language and let the sharing begin!
- What are you looking forward to here at college? Is there anything you're nervous about?
- Where are you from? What was it like growing up there?
- What do you feel comfortable telling me about your friends and family back home?
- Have you ever shared a room with someone before? If so, what was it like for you?
- Are you more of a morning or a night person? When do you typically go to bed? Wake up?
- Do you know what your major will be? If so, what do you hope to do
with it? What are some of your hobbies, interests, and talents?
- What type of environment helps you concentrate on your studies most
effectively (i.e. can you study with music on or others in the room,
etc.)?
- What types of things are you hoping to get involved in this year?
- What do you think are the most important things for us to work on as roommates?
The myth of roommates having to be friends
The
myth that roommates need to be best friends is false. Acquaintances can
be excellent roommates, as long as respect and the willingness to
communicate are present. If you and your roommate don't wind up as best
buds, don't despair. It probably just means you've found folks with
common interests in other areas and you are focusing your friendship
energy on them.
It’s all a part of the college experience
Whether
your roommate experience results in a lifetime of friendship or a civil
parting of ways, there are bound to be many experiences and dilemmas
along the way. It's important to realize that different people can
become compatible roommates. After all, actors Robin Williams and
Christopher Reeve roomed together at Julliard in New York City, and
developed a lifelong friendship. Just imagine that combination! With
tact, respect, care and an open mind firmly in place, your chances of
developing a solid roommate relationship increase dramatically. It's
all part of the college experience and, done right, it can be one of
the best parts.