The first steps
As you prepare to settle into
the room, talk about some of these "little things" that could easily
become major points of contention in the future: The Alarm Clock: Will
you both use the same clock? When will it be set? What about the snooze
button? What if someone is sleeping through the alarm? Tip: Don't ever
make it your roommate's responsibility to wake you up!
Arranging the room
Do this together when you
first move in so that it is a partnership. And, when the mood strikes
to change it again mid-semester, make sure you talk about it first!
Tip: Have the TV viewable from both beds.
The phone
Where and how should messages be left? How late is it okay for friends/family to call?
Using each other's stuff
The desire to share
with your roommate may make perfect sense right now. Yet, how will you
feel if you see her wearing your favorite sweater on campus? What if
she loans one of your CDs to another friend? Talk now about what is
okay to share and what needs to stay put. Tip: If there is only one
computer in the room, talk specifically about rules for use.
Keeping yourself safe
Sharing a room also means
sharing the responsibility for making it a safe place. Chances are you
and your roommate may have different takes on what safety means.
Therefore, discuss the following items and come to an agreement about
how you'll keep the room, your belongings, and one another safe.
- Carrying keys and ID cards: What happens if someone loses their keys?
- Locking the room: Will it be locked when you're down in the bathroom or study lounge? How about when you're out of the building?
- Sharing passwords and phone codes: How does this impact the other roommates' safety?
- Following policies: If one roommate is doing something illegal in the room, how will this affect the other?
- Hosting guests overnight: What parameters will you establish?
- Allowing people to enter our room when no one else is there: How does this decision by one roommate impact the other?
To maintain optimum safety, residence life strongly recommends that
doors remain locked, passwords and codes not be shared and keys/ID
cards remain with their owners.
Anger management
Face it; there are times when
you and your roommate will get on each other's last nerve. Holding it
in or blowing up are definitely not the answers. That's why learning to
manage your anger is so important. Consider the following suggestions
when conflict arises between you and your roommate:
- Don't argue in the heat of the moment. You're bound to say things
you'll regret. Let yourself cool off to get your thoughts together and
you'll wind up being much more rational and productive.
- Use "I" statements to relay how you are feeling about the situation at hand.
- Enlist the help of a mediator. If you and your roommate can't
resolve an issue peacefully, ask your RA or a peer mediator for
assistance.
- If a physical altercation is threatened, walk away.
The art of compromise
Ah, yes, roommates
probably invented the need to compromise! No longer is it just "your
room" as you may have been used to back home. Sharing a space requires
flexibility and equal consideration. So, talk about some of these
things before a situation requiring compromise arises:
- I'll assert myself in situations where…
- I feel taken advantage of when…
- What compromise means to me is…